Last night I had a revelation - defining moment - eye-opener. Call it what you may but it hit me. Not making any sense yet? Last year someone came into my life and impacted greatly on it. Sadly not in a good way.
I have always loved life, always been cup-half-full kind of person. You know, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. That's me. Or it was. I have kept numerous cards and notes over the years from people just thanking me for listening, remembering, and the main one, making them laugh. This last year I haven't laughed a lot. Nowhere near enough. Laughter to me is something I value. DH says the first thing he loved about me was my laugh. In my personal life I'll always be the one lightening the mood, telling a dirty joke, making people laugh, it's what I do well. Or I did. Through my work life I've always been the one playing the practical jokes. It's been said on numerous occasions that my laugh is so loud and dirty you can hear it before you can see me. And I'm proud of that.
A few weeks ago I went to Center Parcs with a group of very dear friends, and I felt like me again. We danced, drank too much, ate too much and laughed. I was reminded how 'dirty minded and foul mouthed' I was, and that they love me for it!
And back to last night. Suddenly it dawned on me that it doesn't matter how this person treats me; it doesn't matter that people choose to believe her; and if someone wants to tell me not to tell jokes because she wants to; and tells me I can't take flowers to a friend, then it's her problem, not mine. So this morning I said goodbye to someone I adore, and have decided to end a chapter of my life, which started wonderfully and ended not so.
"It's not what you do that everyone else can see, it's what you do that others can't see."