Friday, April 05, 2013

E is for

Ella, what else could it be? Well, could also be
England - we're not a perfect country, but we could be so much worse
Environment - I recycle anything and everything, if it can be reused or passed on, it will be
Ecology - so passionate about this I won an award a few years ago in my role as governor for helping the school move forward with their environmental planning
Employer - I enjoyed being a boss, think I was a good and fair one
Edwin Starr - Eye to Eye Contact

So back to madam. Yesterday's post has D/E scrapbook layout on it, just scroll down :) This photo was taken this very morning of my beautiful Ella with her beautiful SIL! Well, one day maybe.

The history of Ella:

We already had R & D (being lazy with full names!)
I had a miscarriage before J - and had a nightmare pregnancy with him thanks to him being a Rhesus monkey ;) including a 6 week stay in maternity - then after J we had another J and B and then lost another after B.
So we decided to adopt. That process wasn't without it's hiccups, slight understatement, but we got there.
And the month we were approved madam was in the catalogue! Seemed fate. The senior SW really laid it on thick about her needs - apparently she had had dozens of calls, but her screening whittled it down to only 2 couples that wanted to follow through.
The first day we met her I might as well not have existed, she just gravitated to Jeff, and has been a daddy's girl pretty much ever since.
The day they agreed we could take her home I sat in the meeting with a bucket, I was that ill. Not uncommon apparently.
It has been a roller-coaster. I cannot remember how many years she screamed at night, terrified. We've since found out more about her pre-adoption life and now understand the night terrors.
Just before the adoption was finalised someone - and we know who - contacted s/s and said we shouldn't adopt as Jeff wasn't fit to be a father. I cannot describe the pain in my heart, how could anyone think that of Jeff? I've never known a more devoted, family man. And what if s/s had believed her, what would have happened to Ella?
She wasn't Ella, but we wanted her to have a biblical name like the rest, so actually she's Gabriella, after the angel Gabriel, but that get's saved for when we're cross with her.
She talks to herself like Gollum!
I have blogged twice about how hard things can be here and here. Worth a few minutes to read - to gain some perspective of life with a SN child.
Then we had the whole school contacting s/s concerned because of stories Ella was saying - like they hadn't known her for 6 years and know that she can't always separate truth from imagination. I thought my heart could never hurt as much as before, I was wrong. Thankfully s/s knew us and told the school in no uncertain terms what they thought, but the time in between was torture, and this was the post I wrote at the time
She makes me cry.
She makes me laugh.
She has physically assaulted me.
She showers me with love.
She loves food, cuddles, children with greater needs than her, Mr. Tumble, Twilight, her peg board, and outings.
She hates change, the boys teasing her, cleaning her teeth, shaving, scarey things, being alone.
I thank God for her, and for the strength to continue when some days I feel like I can't.
I wouldn't change a day.


  1. Oh E definitely has to be about Ella!!!! What a gift you have been to each other on that roller coaster ~ and a gift to me thank you so much for sharing her with me :)

    1. Hi Laura, thanks for reading :) She really is a gift to everyone - most days!

  2. Really enjoyed reading this post and some of your others. I applaud you for your strength in being Ella's mum. I used to work with young adults with autism and know how difficult it can be, both emotionally and physically. - but I got to go home at the end of the day.

    1. Hi Dot, thank you for reading and commenting. I post partly in the hope that sometimes it might help other parents to realise they're not alone.

  3. Way cool! Some very valiԁ points! I appreciate уou wrіting this ωгite-up ρlus the rest
    οf the ωebѕіtе is аlѕо verу good.

    Also viѕit mу wеb blog :: cialis pfizer


Love to hear from you. Please leave your thoughts below. Suzanne xx